Taint been around (probably 'cause it's in between)

Life's a funny, fickle thing.  I try hard to do the best I can.  Some people though, they can't even be bothered with half an effort.  It's tiring.  It's damned frustrating.  I really get quite sick of pushing and trying and struggling and watching others just float through not giving a shit about anything or anyone.  Maybe I care too much?  Maybe I'm just too tired?  Maybe the recurring questions technique is outdated and cliched?  Who knows anymore?  Not me, that's for sure.  Just once in life I'd like to get back as much as I give.

Then it occurs to me just how much wonderment, pleasure and love I experience just by being around my kids.  Then I get the fuck over all the whining and realize what's important.

hmmm...

It's been suggested to me that I should write a book about being a single Dad.  Admittedly it's an appealing idea.  However, I would have to face my near crippling doubts about myself and open up about the fact that while I act with complete confidence I constantly question if I'm doing everything (or anything) right.  Of course, I think any parent that cares is probably going through the same shit.  So maybe I will start to blog about my daily Dad adventures.  Perhaps this could lead somewhere.  May even be cathartic, who knows?

Wherefore art thou sleep?

Wow, where did this night go?  Where the hell did this day go?  They just keep slipping through my fingers.  One of these days I'm going to run out of days and I think maybe I should be spending them a bit more wisely.  I've been thinking a lot lately about missed opportunities.  I realize I can do a lot more than I do.  I am going to try.  I don't have any regrets mind you (well, two that I can think of, but they're both women and not who you think) regrets are foolish and weak.  Regrets are a waste because it's time and energy spent on things you CANNOT change.  My ex-wife was and is big on obsessing over shit from her past.  One of the many ways in which she completely lost my respect.  Forget the past and move on.  Actually, don't forget.  Learn from your past.  Let it go.  Then move on.  Seriously, if people can't stop acting like shit from years ago is still happening, I may have to slap somebody.

No title, just words and a tune...

As the WHO said, it's hard.  It's very, very, very, very hard.

I don't know how I manage not to punch people in the face sometimes.  When you are dealing with folk who have no idea what it means to get punched in the face for the shit spewing from their mouth, you kind of end up wanting to educate them.  With a haymaker.  My problem is that our society has let go of decorum, decency, respect and the ability to take people to task for it.  When you might have to be in a duel to the death, or at least a fist fight, over the things you say then you might think before you open your mouth.  Nowadays, you can be a complete and utter asshole and if you get punched in the mouth over it, you can have the other guy arrested and then sue him.  WHAT THE FUCK!?!

If I've learned anything in the last ten to fifteen years, it's that there are a LOT of people in this world who need a good punch in the mouth.  I'd love to give it to them, but I have my kids to think of.  Who's going to take care of them if I'm in jail and then financial ruin?

What does God do for you?  I don't mean that literally.  How could I?  I mean, what does your belief in God do for you?  I have moments where I wish I still believed, but honestly I'm much more comforted by the fact that I don't.  I feel I'm more prepared for what is coming at the end.  Not having some fancy story about the afterlife makes it the last great adventure.  I may never get to travel to other planets.  It's almost 100% certain.  However, I will someday die. In that moment, the greatest mystery that has ever faced Man will be known to me: What does come after death?

I don't want to die.  I love life.  I want to see my children grow and dream and achieve.  I want to meet my grandchildren.  I want to know that the people I love are going to be happy.  That they will find people to love.  However I also want to see where my energy goes when my body stops.  Not "see" with eyes obviously, but I do hope that I will be aware of my physical passing.  That I will be aware of what happens afterward in a way at least slightly similar to how I am aware of everyday life.  I know it's coming, and I hope it's quite a ways off, but I am absolutely fascinated.  Admittedly, I am a bit afraid, but that fear mostly seems to increase my fascination.  I want to know.  I don't want to believe.  I want to know.

Flurgh...
Sometimes that's all I have to say. I cannot begin to fathom what goes through some people's minds. It's like they build up a version of the world in their heads just so they can face the day. Well stop being such a puss! Shit happens, you're not perfect, and neither is anyone else! Life happens, get the fuck over it and MOVE ON!!

You know what makes it worse? When they are parents. Parents should not be under the impression that they have the fucking luxury to delude themselves. They are responsible for preparing a person to deal with life. So set the example and learn to deal morons!

Thank you for your time. This rant has been brought to you by Stoltey's Bull Semen. The most potent Bull Semen on the market!

So now that I am going to be contributing on an (at least) weekly basis to the xombiewoof online magazine, I have to keep my writing muscles in shape. Or get them in shape. I guess that distinction is up to the audience.

I have a lot on my mind and sometimes it's difficult to focus on what actually HAS to get done. When that happens I think I'll pop over here and work out my mental bullshit. I may even do some more of the weird little writing exercises I have done previously on this old blog. We'll see.