Frustrating

There is a utto that is not working o my keyoard.  Okay, there's two.  I'm sure you ca tell from these few seteces which uttos they are. I ca right click ad fix most of it.  It's ot my oly keyoard.  It's just that this oe is wireless ad I do't wat to drag a chair i so I ca type properly.

I'm also frustrated creatively.  I see the ideas, and I just can't seem to get them out.  It makes me feel like my brain is broken. I just want them out!  I want to be able to pay someone to get them out for me.  Now I have to move to the floor so I can use my wired keyboard.  Those sentences were driving me mad.  I may have an opportunity to do something with the writing, and every time this happens my brain seizes up on me.  It's like I don't think I'm as good at this as others do and I don't want to be proven right.  I just want to enjoy working, enjoy what I do to live.  It doesn't seem like a lot to ask.

There are so many doing what I want to do for a living, and doing it poorly.  What's one more hack, right?  I don't think I'm a hack I guess, but I do know I'm not Hemingway.  I just want the chance to do something wonderful and get paid for it.  To be able to support my children while doing something that doesn't make me want to take a long walk into the desert.  Seriously, it's not that much to ask, is it?  I have so many stories I want to tell.  Focusing on one is almost impossible.  It would be much better with a writing partner.  I may be getting one.  We'll see.  It certainly would help.  I know many feel that writing is a solo endeavor.  There may be projects I want to do by myself, but I have always worked better with someone to bounce stuff off of.  At least by doing this word vomit through the blog I can at least get something out.

Thanks for listening.

You Offend Me. Well, maybe not you...

I am, quite literally, offended at the idea of a person who simply CANNOT get through the day with out the help of "The Lord".  I see this all the time.  "I need you with me Lord.  Every second of every day, in every decision, every thought, etc."  How fucking weak are you?  You have made Jesus your antidepressant.  Why can't people stand on their own two feet and make their way through the world?  

Life can be hard, but it's not difficult.  You make decisions and you move on.  Are there consequences?  Fucking deal with them!  It ain't pretty and it ain't perfect.  So the fuck what?  Take responsibility for yourselves.  God didn't do that, you did.  When you accomplish something, take the credit for your hard work.  Don't let it go to your head, but feel proud of what you've done.  Conversely, when you fail, own up to it.  Don't write it off as "part of God's plan".  If it's god's plan and therefore not your fault, how could you possibly learn from the experience?  Life is about learning.  If you've nothing left to learn, what's the damn point?  

Unfortunately, ignorance and complacency are at the heart of religion.  You are actively discouraged from looking beyond archaic notions.  They are stifling humanity.  Actively.  And yet, there are literally millions lapping this shit up with a spoon. Use your mind people.  Accept evidence.  Learn something everyday.  Question everything, before it's too late.

Rough one

I guess I just didn't realize how depressing a week without my sons would really be.  If I was working it might have been easier.  Feeling quite rudderless this week.  However, I have 4 and a half days left to accomplish enough to make me feel like I used the time somewhat wisely.  So here goes...

Best laid plans...

Remember when I said I'd be updating this a lot more often?  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!


Yeah, so do I.

Taint been around (probably 'cause it's in between)

Life's a funny, fickle thing.  I try hard to do the best I can.  Some people though, they can't even be bothered with half an effort.  It's tiring.  It's damned frustrating.  I really get quite sick of pushing and trying and struggling and watching others just float through not giving a shit about anything or anyone.  Maybe I care too much?  Maybe I'm just too tired?  Maybe the recurring questions technique is outdated and cliched?  Who knows anymore?  Not me, that's for sure.  Just once in life I'd like to get back as much as I give.

Then it occurs to me just how much wonderment, pleasure and love I experience just by being around my kids.  Then I get the fuck over all the whining and realize what's important.

hmmm...

It's been suggested to me that I should write a book about being a single Dad.  Admittedly it's an appealing idea.  However, I would have to face my near crippling doubts about myself and open up about the fact that while I act with complete confidence I constantly question if I'm doing everything (or anything) right.  Of course, I think any parent that cares is probably going through the same shit.  So maybe I will start to blog about my daily Dad adventures.  Perhaps this could lead somewhere.  May even be cathartic, who knows?

Wherefore art thou sleep?

Wow, where did this night go?  Where the hell did this day go?  They just keep slipping through my fingers.  One of these days I'm going to run out of days and I think maybe I should be spending them a bit more wisely.  I've been thinking a lot lately about missed opportunities.  I realize I can do a lot more than I do.  I am going to try.  I don't have any regrets mind you (well, two that I can think of, but they're both women and not who you think) regrets are foolish and weak.  Regrets are a waste because it's time and energy spent on things you CANNOT change.  My ex-wife was and is big on obsessing over shit from her past.  One of the many ways in which she completely lost my respect.  Forget the past and move on.  Actually, don't forget.  Learn from your past.  Let it go.  Then move on.  Seriously, if people can't stop acting like shit from years ago is still happening, I may have to slap somebody.