No title, just words and a tune...

As the WHO said, it's hard.  It's very, very, very, very hard.

I don't know how I manage not to punch people in the face sometimes.  When you are dealing with folk who have no idea what it means to get punched in the face for the shit spewing from their mouth, you kind of end up wanting to educate them.  With a haymaker.  My problem is that our society has let go of decorum, decency, respect and the ability to take people to task for it.  When you might have to be in a duel to the death, or at least a fist fight, over the things you say then you might think before you open your mouth.  Nowadays, you can be a complete and utter asshole and if you get punched in the mouth over it, you can have the other guy arrested and then sue him.  WHAT THE FUCK!?!

If I've learned anything in the last ten to fifteen years, it's that there are a LOT of people in this world who need a good punch in the mouth.  I'd love to give it to them, but I have my kids to think of.  Who's going to take care of them if I'm in jail and then financial ruin?

What does God do for you?  I don't mean that literally.  How could I?  I mean, what does your belief in God do for you?  I have moments where I wish I still believed, but honestly I'm much more comforted by the fact that I don't.  I feel I'm more prepared for what is coming at the end.  Not having some fancy story about the afterlife makes it the last great adventure.  I may never get to travel to other planets.  It's almost 100% certain.  However, I will someday die. In that moment, the greatest mystery that has ever faced Man will be known to me: What does come after death?

I don't want to die.  I love life.  I want to see my children grow and dream and achieve.  I want to meet my grandchildren.  I want to know that the people I love are going to be happy.  That they will find people to love.  However I also want to see where my energy goes when my body stops.  Not "see" with eyes obviously, but I do hope that I will be aware of my physical passing.  That I will be aware of what happens afterward in a way at least slightly similar to how I am aware of everyday life.  I know it's coming, and I hope it's quite a ways off, but I am absolutely fascinated.  Admittedly, I am a bit afraid, but that fear mostly seems to increase my fascination.  I want to know.  I don't want to believe.  I want to know.

Flurgh...
Sometimes that's all I have to say. I cannot begin to fathom what goes through some people's minds. It's like they build up a version of the world in their heads just so they can face the day. Well stop being such a puss! Shit happens, you're not perfect, and neither is anyone else! Life happens, get the fuck over it and MOVE ON!!

You know what makes it worse? When they are parents. Parents should not be under the impression that they have the fucking luxury to delude themselves. They are responsible for preparing a person to deal with life. So set the example and learn to deal morons!

Thank you for your time. This rant has been brought to you by Stoltey's Bull Semen. The most potent Bull Semen on the market!

So now that I am going to be contributing on an (at least) weekly basis to the xombiewoof online magazine, I have to keep my writing muscles in shape. Or get them in shape. I guess that distinction is up to the audience.

I have a lot on my mind and sometimes it's difficult to focus on what actually HAS to get done. When that happens I think I'll pop over here and work out my mental bullshit. I may even do some more of the weird little writing exercises I have done previously on this old blog. We'll see.

Aaaaaarrrrgh! Must finish script!!

Thanks Larry

For a person of somewhat diminutive stature, he had always seemed so strong and vital. Yet here he was right in front of me: weak, tired, swollen in some places and completely emaciated in others. If Richard hadn't have warned me, I probably would have gasped in shock when I saw him. His formerly strong jawline was gone. The small, well kept mustache seemed like a great bristle brush of blonde hair set on the front of his now gaunt face.

We talked for a bit and there were only moments of the man I knew, until we went out back so he could smoke. Some people remark that smoking is what killed him so why keep doing it? Well, smoking had already killed him, so why take away one of the few things he could still enjoy at that point?

For those ten to fifteen minutes in his backyard, he was the same old Larry. Quickest wit I had ever known. His voice slightly above a rasp, but his tongue as sharp as ever. He laughed and joked and was the butt of jokes with equal ease. We had agreed over the years, that there was really nothing that couldn't be made fun of in the right group of friends. When your friend is dying before your eyes though, well you do edit yourself a bit. Honestly, I think he would have found some of the more dark and morbid things that came to my mind pretty funny.

We moved back inside and the effort of interaction and moving around had obviously taken it's toll. I remarked to Richard after a few quiet minutes that I thought Larry had fallen asleep. As his wife warned us he might.

"Nope. I'm still with you." said Larry. "They think I'm always falling asleep. The truth is that I'm just real selective about what I respond to. Given my current level of energy."

"So when they think you're asleep you're listening to everything that's being said?"

That same old broad grin stretched across his face, making him look almost himself again.

"Yep, I sure am."

At my darkest moments, talking with Larry always cheered me up. He never really said anything overly nice or supportive, but we always laughed. Always. I never hung up after talking to Larry with a frown. Until the day he told me he had cancer. Now when things are tough, I just try to imagine what he would say...and I still end up smiling.

Thanks Larry.

Thank goodness I'm right handed. All the feeling in my left arm is following the blood that can't seem to stop flowing out of the hole in my left shoulder. It occurs to me, as I concentrate so hard on standing, that maybe I should have found cover instead of rushing in guns blazing.

Honestly though, you should see the other guy...